Troy's Example
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This example was last month. As we packed our belongings to leave after a 7-day stay with friends, my wife hovered over me supervising every detail. She kept pointing things out to me. I began to work myself up. I became irritated. I know how to put my belongings into a suitcase. But there was just a lingering doubt; was I doing it exactly right? Yet, did it matter? I began to spot. I knew I couldn't control my outer environment. Yet, I said, "Dear, you are back seat driving. You know our rule; you are to keep silent unless you see a clear threat and are certain I'm overlooking something. The same rule should apply here. Let me pack my own suitcase." I knew that she had her problems and didn't do this purposely to annoy me. I decided to be group minded and restore felicitous relations, put it into perspective as a triviality of married life, and took the judgment out of it all. My irritation and tenseness dissipated, and I endorsed myself for my effort. Before Recovery I would have joined in a battle royal, unable to view this as a triviality. My personality would have been punctured, my invincibility thwarted. Twenty-five years ago my thoughts raced like yanking a film strip through a projector, watching the lights flash across the screen; and I was coming to the end of the film strip. Once I thought I heard God talking to me. After three weeks in a mental ward, I wish I'd learned of Recovery, Inc. right away. I found employment, but couldn't support the four of us. The psychiatrist helped me out of the pit of despair and told me to join Recovery, Inc. Through regular attendance, reading the literature, learning and practicing Recovery, Inc. techniques, I gained far better mental health than I had before. Further Spotting! Karen-- Troy chose peace over power with his wife. He did this for his own mental health, but it also helped his relationship with his wife. Carlos-- I spot fearful temper when he doubted himself (was she right and he wrong?). He seemed to drop the temper and was able to express his feelings to his wife. Anne-- I noticed that too. It's good to express our feelings, but without temper. He also put his wife in outer environment so he didn't lay down the bridge of temper from his outer environment to his inner environment. What does that mean? bridge of temper-- Troy spotted his temper (the judgment of right and wrong) in this event. While we cannot control our original response to something, we can choose how we are going to deal with it and one way is by not laying down "the bridge of temper". Sustained temper produces sustained tenseness, and sustained tenseness produces symptoms, so by dropping the temper Troy was able to eventually relax.
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