| Several months ago the cable company had contacted
me to replace my converter box (which they said was obsolete) with
a new digital one. I asked if there would be any changes in my bill
and was told no. When I examined my bill, I noticed several additional
charges for digital programing and I began to work myself up.
I had a flare of angry temper. I interpreted that I had been deceived
or manipulated. I felt undesirable exceptionality, that I was being
picked on and taken advantage of. I processed my angry temper thinking
about ways that I could vent my frustration on the minimum wage
customer service person at the cable company and previewed how stimulating
that would be. I lost my spontaneity, felt nauseated. I began to
have lowered feelings and a sense of helplessness and hopelessness.
I had insecure thoughts that the system is rigged and that it would
be pointless to have the will to effort to get the situation straightened
out. I felt nervous fatigue and did not want to do anything about
the bill.
I started to spot that the duration of the temper is the duration
of the symptom and decided to spot my temper before I made any phone
calls or paid the bill. I spotted that temper blocks reason, another
reason to spot my temper before taking any action. Interpretation
is sabotage. We are good observers but poor interpreters. I spotted
to know is to know I don't know. I didn't know if this was just
a mistake or I was being taken advantage of. Going for the comfort
of the moment by being unpleasant to a customer service person would
be playing games with my mental health. I spotted that I would have
to bear the discomfort of making the phone call and predispose myself
to bear the discomfort of the result of the phone call. The $10.00
difference in the bill was a triviality compared to my mental health.
I had the secure thought that the situation would be cleared up
once I made the phone call. I spotted that I could make an average
phone call, have an average conversation and that I could endorse
myself for my effort no matter how the issue of the bill turned
out. I observed that my supreme goal is my mental health, not who
is right or wrong on the issue of the bill, or my opinion of the
fairness or ethics of the cable TV company.
Before Recovery I thought that the way you were supposed to handle
situations like this was to be angry and confrontational, even though
that was never very successful in my experience and usually just
made things worse, and made me feel bad to boot. Or I would have
just paid the bill and then indicted myself for being a weak person
and not standing up for myself. I sometimes found my angry temper
to be vitalizing and temporarily empowering, but always followed
by fearful temper. I often had the concern that I couldn't go back
into a store because I had been sarcastic or unpleasant over a triviality.
When I would get into the vicious cycle of temper I would end up
with the symptoms of sleeplessness, head pressure, neck pain or
nausea.
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