| Recently while at Trader Joe's, a novelty grocery
store near Los Angeles International Airport, I waited in a long
line behind a tall, chic young woman. Giggling incessantly on her
cell phone, she stepped backward and crushed my right instep with
her spike-heeled shoe. That's when I began to work myself up.
I experienced an onslaught of nervous symptoms, especially racing
thoughts. "How rude of you," I told myself. "Who
do you think you are? How careless and selfish!" Other symptoms
included chest pressure, a pounding pulse within my head, anxiety,
and a sense of unreality. After realizing her faux pas, she quickly
apologized and returned to her phone conversation. Fortunately,
I trigger spotted the need for cultured behavior and wore the mask,
but I was steaming. And I couldn't spot thoroughly until I left
the store and drove home.
I spotted that my nervous symptoms were distressing but not dangerous,
which is usually the first Recovery tool I apply. It offered immediate
relief. I also spotted that to know is to know that I don't
know. I wasn't sure why she crushed my foot, and the mishap
was no doubt an accident. After all, people do trivial things that
annoy us, not to annoy us.
Next, I spotted the startle effect, which is gratis in Recovery,
and I spotted my angry and fearful tempers. My anger at her was
obvious. For me, cell phones are a strong link to temper. Because
the woman cared more about her phone call than people around her,
I judged her wrong for carelessly mashing my foot. My fearful temper
was more subtle because I blamed myself for being angry with her.
With further spotting, though, I was able to excuse rather than
accuse the woman, and I dropped the judgment of right and wrong.
Taking the total view, I spotted the event as average and dropped
the judgment against myself too. Initially, I forgot to endorse,
a common shortcoming of my Recovery practice, but as I pondered
the event further, I gave myself credit for all my effort.
This event would have been quite different in former days. Before
my Recovery training, I probably would have worn the mask and acted
in a cultured manner. But I would have retained the judgment much
longer. My anger would have plagued me for days, not minutes, and
I wouldn't have made a business of my mental health. I also
would have believed the event was exceptional instead of an average
frustration of everyday life, and I would have taken my own dear
self much too seriously.
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