Rose's Example
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This triviality happened yesterday evening about 6:30. I had a slight leak in a bathroom faucet and had purchased a seal/spring replacement kit from my neighborhood hardware store. I've done this minor job before on the very same faucet, so even though I had to leave the house at 7:15, I knew I had plenty of time. After I replaced the parts and turned on the main valve, the faucet was no longer just dripping, there was a small, but steady stream of water flowing out. When I took it apart for the second time, I saw that the spring I had installed had fallen through the hole at the bottom of the faucet. I compared the "old" spring to another "new" spring that was still in the package and saw that they were not the same diameter. This is when I began to work myself up. I immediately became tense and started having racing thoughts. "Boy you sure 'fixed' it now". I looked at my watch and saw that it was 6:45. I had to leave in half an hour, and I had to fix something to eat. I was angry at the salesperson at the hardware store for selling me the wrong part. I even took along the packaging from when I last bought the replacement parts, just to make sure this kind of mistake couldn't happen. I was angry at myself because I hadn't checked more closely and recognized that the parts were different. I also thought, "Why didn't you do this when you had more time!" I tried removing the spring at the bottom of the faucet with a thin screwdriver, then a pair of tweezers. But, it was laying on it's side and wouldn't come back out of the hole. I thought, "What do I do now?" Then I start spotting. This situation is distressing, but not dangerous. Irritations, frustrations and disappointments are part of everyday life. And, this event qualifies for all three categories. I know it's sustained temper that causes tension, and sustained tension that causes symptoms. I can excuse rather than accuse. I am not wrong, I am average. I'm not the first person in the world to install the wrong part and have it lodge where it's not supposed to be. The salesman at the hardware store is not wrong, he is average, he's not the first hardware person to sell a customer the wrong part. I am not wrong for starting the job at 6:15, I did have an hour before I had to leave. Without this complication, the task would have been complete in no more than 10 minutes. I had the courage to make a mistake. This was a mistake, but I was making it an emergency. When I recognized that, I made the firm decision that I would leave everything at the bathroom sink the way it was. I controlled the impulse to keep working and make it perfect. Fixing my mistake could wait till later. I took thesecure thought that as long as the main valve under the sink was shut off, there was no harm in leaving things as they were. Before Recovery, I would have continued working to try to remove the lodged spring. I would have checked my watch every few minutes to see how little time I had before I had to leave. The more frustrated I got, the more anxious and worked up I would have become. Physical symptoms would have been more intense. I may have started crying, I may have called my father or brother (even though they are out-of-state and couldn't really help much) or a male friend who was more capable of a household repair task than me (a woman). If I had worked it up long enough, I could even go back and review all the other times I "botched" a job around the house. I would have blamed the hardware person for the fact that I was upset. An event of this type could have ruined my evening--and perhaps the next day. Before Recovery, because I was afraid of having a panic attack, I could not have gone to the hardware store by myself, nor would I be going out in the evening. Further Spotting! Tom-- This is a good example of how both angry and fearful temper can be neutralized by using the Recovery method of spotting temper and dropping the judgment of right and wrong. When Rose said it was a triviality she was right. And that's what gets us usually into trouble with our symptoms--not handling the trivialities of every day life. Alice-- Rose's standards for her performance and the sales person were high, but she spotted the exceptionality and lowered her standards to allow for mistakes to be average in daily life. Exceptional standards can make for tenseness. Bill-- I spotted that Rose is willing now to bear the discomfort of being frustrated, irritated and disappointed. She is strengthening her nervous constitution by facing and tolerating this discomfort as average people have to do. Ellen-- I was really impressed that she tackled this job at all. It called for careful planning. She even timed it to be accomplished in a short period, but it didn't have to be fixed right then. She's come a long way from "before Recovery". What does that mean? Triviality-- By not turning this event into an emergency, Rose was able to keep it in the perspective of a triviality-- an every day event that can happen to anybody. Sustained temper causes tenseness and sustained tenseness causes symptoms-- Rose's table of valuations had to be sorted out. If doing the perfect job has priority in trivialities, then she will be liable to have sustained tenseness, because life is full of frustrations and irritations and jobs that refuse to be perfect. When mental health became the priority, she was able to relax. If she is relaxed, nervous symptoms don't materialize.
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