Anna's Example
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Our parish will be running an Ethnic Dinner and I responded to a request in the church bulletin for an ethnic dish (enough for 15-20 persons). I received a call from the chairperson asking if I would coordinate the Italian part of it and was invited to attend a meeting the next evening. Being new in the area and the parish, I said I wasn't sure of what might be expected, but I would attend the meeting and then make up my mind. While at the meeting, I saw my name printed as coordinator of the Italian section. They still seemed quite disorganized and in speaking to an acquaintance, she said that I had been the first to volunteer at all. This is when I began to work myself up. I felt angry at the chairperson for assuming I'd take responsibility, and at the whole parish of 3,000 families for not having others respond sooner. I thought about what a big job this was for me and I was going to look "bad". Why did I volunteer so quickly? I spotted that I could feel proud of myself and endorse myself for all my effort and for being group minded. I spotted that my imagination was on fire, but that I could do a good average job. I had to drop judgments and develop the inner smile and look forward to meeting new fellow parishioners. Before Recovery, I was so competitive that I felt that I had to outshine everyone there and attempt a professional looking production. My family and I would have paid too high a price with symptoms of sleeplessness, lack of concentration, restlessness, and irritability at my family for requiring any of my attention at such a time. I would not have sincerely appreciated the collaboration of the other participants and perhaps even harbored critical thoughts towards their efforts. Total view: I've come a long way! John --I spot that Anna had angry temper at the chairperson and the parish. Since this was a triviality, she can spot that they are not wrong, they're average.Bob --I think she also had some fearful temper when she became afraid of looking bad and it sounded like she blamed herself for responding so quickly. Sue -- I think in Mental Health Through Will Training, Dr. Low talks about how sustained temper produces sustained tension and the sustained tension produces symptoms. By spotting her temper, Anna got rid of that sustained tension. Dell --It does sound like a lot of past practice here. spotted -- Anna recognized or spotlighted that she could feel proud of herself and so she was rejecting the thought of self blame. endorse -- Anna gave herself a mental pat on the back for her effort. angry temper --is the judgment that someone is wrong; Anna may have felt the chairperson was "wrong" for putting her on the spot. There is no right or wrong in trivialities. If we remove or set aside the right/wrong judgment, our temper lessens and symptoms lessen. fearful temper --is the judgment that oneself is wrong and often appears in the form of self-disgust, self-pity, etc. In Anna's example if she was blaming herself, then she was having fearful temper. There is no right or wrong in trivialities, only differences of opinion and style.
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