Kay's Example (UK)
A few weeks ago, my in-laws came to stay for the weekend. To make things easier, I arranged to do my weekly shopping with my husband's help. We soon got around the supermarket; I was putting the goods through the check-out when a large bag of frozen french fries that I picked out of the trolley [shopping cart] burst and the contents fell over the floor at my feet.Immediately I began to have symptoms. My symptoms were difficulty in breathing, my muscles were rigid, I had head pressure and a feeling of unreality. My racing thoughts were, everyone is looking at me, why did this have to happen to me tonight, especially when Ray is with me. What is he going to think of me? I can't cope, I'm just going to have to run out and get away.
At this point, I commanded my muscles to bend and I started picking up the french fries. During this time, I began to spot that I was worked up. I spotted that I had a terrific amount of aggressive temper going with everyone concerned and I had fearful temper that I wouldn't be able to cope with the situation. I spotted also that I was looking for the perfect performance instead of trying to be just average, and that symptoms were distressing, but not dangerous and that these feelings would soon pass. They certainly did and I was soon able to function. I wrote out the check for my goods, packed them and drove home. I endorsed myself fully each step of the way.
Before my Recovery training, I would not have been able to go shopping with anyone or on my own. I certainly wouldn't have been able to write out a check. Before Recovery, I was totally dependent on other people for everything.
Further Spotting!
Joe -- I spot that this was a triviality even though it may not have seemed like it to Kay.Kathy -- Commanding the muscles is one of the most basic tools of Recovery. I like the way that Kay commanded her muscles to move in spite of the way her muscles felt. She was being self-led instead of symptom-led.
Jane -- The best way to deal with our fear is to do the thing we fear to do. Kay was afraid she might not be able to cope with the situation but went ahead and had the will to bear discomfort.
What does that mean?
aggressive temper -- This is the same as angry temper which is the judgment by Kay that someone has done her wrong. This can appear, as it does in Kay's example as anger at the event itself (Why does this happen tonight when Ray is with me?").fearful temper -- This is sometimes called retreating temper which is the judgment by Kay that somehow she is wrong for the way she is handling herself. As with Kay, it often expresses itself as embarrassment, sense of shame, feeling of inadequacy, hopelessness, etc.
